![]() What kind of spanking? How would it go? What would it feel like? Using erotica to explore fantasies “Spanking,” for example, can seem unappealing out of context. I use them as handouts in my classes, and I also include them in my books, Tongue Tied, and The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes.īut as helpful as these lists can be, I know that it can be challenging for some folks to wrap their minds around the activities listed in the abstract. These lists are great tools that I regularly recommend to folks. ![]() Much like looking at a restaurant menu and needing to google an ingredient or two, you’re likely to see items on a yes/no/maybe list that you’ve never heard of before. Sometimes there’s a bit of research involved, too. You can look through the list of items and consider each one based on your current mood. Based on their descriptions, you can imagine each item and see if it sounds like what you’re in the mood for. No, you’d look at the menu from the restaurant of your choice and consider their available items. If you were to go to a restaurant (or order takeout), you wouldn’t have to pull from your imagination what you want to eat out of all the foods available in the world. It’s a tool most commonly used in the kink & BDSM scene, though they’re helpful for any sexual exploration or negotiation. When people look for sex ideas, they often turn to a yes/no/maybe list. Having these conversations builds intimacy even if you don’t try the fantasies. ![]() And exploring with a partner can also be a valuable way to bring you closer together. It’s a safe bet that whatever you’re into, you’re not alone.įantasy exploration is one of the best ways to figure out your unique path to pleasure and satisfaction. We know from studies of sexual fantasy that the ideas that turn people on are incredibly diverse. But what does normal even mean in this context? I’m regularly asked if a particular fantasy is “normal.” From coaching clients to college students, it’s a common concern. And it’s hard not to internalize those beliefs. It’s understandable because messages that sex is shameful or embarrassing are everywhere. Too many people repress their sexual fantasies. To help them get there, I’ve developed several tools for sexual fantasy exploration, and here I’m sharing one of my favorites. The problem is that many people feel like something is missing, but they can’t define what. Wanting hotter, more intimate sex is one of the more common. People reach out to sex coaches for many reasons.
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